Learning to be at home with "losing"

I noticed last Saturday that I am doing something wrong. I noticed that over these past few weeks I have started to focus on winning, rather than training. During a roll, I could feel pride start creeping in when I am in a bad position, and then I find myself forgetting about position, and forgetting about the game- and that is when I start hunting for submissions. It's sloppy, and it isn't improving my game- it's just "winning". So what exactly do I win there? Nothing. In fact, I am losing out because I am spending my class time training improper technique.

This week I am focusing on position, and I am focusing on technique. I decided for myself that if I can get positioning right then it is ok to proceed- but if the position is bad and I can't get where I want to go- I'm gonna lose. When I lose I'm gonna be humble because I will learn more in failure from trying to work position correctly than I would from a sloppy success.

Tuesday was my first night working this way. I "lost" on all 3 rolls- but that is ok. I noticed something- when you submit your training partner is always more interested in helping you work out the mistake you made.

We are working on Knee on Belly this week (my favorite) this time the work is from the bottom- how to escape knee on belly. We also got a new attack, but it was designed more like preventative medicine- "Here is an attack an opponent could try from knee on belly- this is what you want to avoid". The escape works well- although every encounter with knee on belly reminds me that I need more core strength. Basically the escape is to get both elbows past the knee, then hip out while blocking with the hands. after the escape start looking to replace guard- maybe even a sweep if they are off balance.

Having come so far, but not really gotten that far- and being OK with that.

I celebrated one year on the mat last week. It felt good to finally have found something that I am still as more interested in after a year than day one. I have been tested. Dealing with hurting my arm was a bummer, I didn't enjoy my ear swelling up and having my best friend and training partner drop out for 6 months has taken 'buddy" aspect out of it- but still week after week I am showing up to train, and I am getting better. I'm making new friends, and developing even more respect for my training partners, Coaches, and Professors during each class.

I have a year into the Gentle Art- but that really doesn't mean much in the scheme of training in BJJ. Training in this martial art isn't something you ever really "finish", so there is no finishing chute over the horizon like there is for a runner. You make your goals short term- learn the movements, practice practice practice- get better- then suddenly a coach throws a variation at you that changes everything- it could be a grab, or a placement of leverage for a sweep and suddenly it's a whole new series of options added to your lexicon. One class can literally result in 10 new permutations to your game.

I have mentioned before in this blog that I was never really a "fighter". I was more of a negotiator, and I think that may actually help me in a way since being cool and methodical in approach seems to trump aggressive during a roll. Don't get me wrong- aggressive is good too- you don't want to get caught over thinking or watching the paint dry. BJJ has helped me tap some of that aggression as well- but in a controlled environment where it can be channeled to my benefit.

When I try to explain BJJ to my Dad I can tell he is wondering what the hell I am doing- 35yrs old, going to classes to learn fighting every other night when I have a family at home... All I can say is that this is making me a better father, and a better husband. I am not sure he "gets it"- how a martial art can do that, but really it is constructive- this is a positive channel through which the aggressive urge can flow without putting oneself at odds with society.

All I can think is that in some way we are all pre-wired for combat. Somewhere deep inside we all need to experience battle- for some guys it is debating issues or arguing over the internet, for others it may manifest itself as starting fights when they are drunk. Somehow I feel like this is the middle. BJJ is physically using skill to impose your will. We train to learn how to prevail in combat, but it is also sport, so we play by the rules. We treat each other with respect, and behave like sportsmen. It's not personal, and it isn't life or death but the combat is very "real" and genuine. For 5 minutes you are focused and pushing to win- in a controlled environment and within the rules that keep us safe from each other.

I go home tired. Sometimes I go home proud that I learned something new, or got something right. Sometimes I go home introspective- replaying a mistake and trying to reason my way through it- but when I get home I am that husband, and that father. Having just channeled that aggression I am now totally free to read stories to my daughter, and talk to my wife. I have very little inner tension so the time i spend with them is the highest it can be.

Easton Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu Arvada Colorado - Choke from Guard

Shout Out

"I saw on his banner Amal Easton Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, a fantastic gym in both Boulder and Denver"~ Joe Rogan

Heard during telecast of UFC Fight for The Troops 2 Jan 22 2011

Speaking the Language

My Mother In Law gives great Christmas gifts. She is probably the only family member to heed my request for gift certificates to Easton BJJ a gifts. As a result, I had a cumulative $90.00 available to spend on a private session with Black Belt Professor Larry. This was a great experience for me because it allowed me to get a better idea of just where I stand from a progress point of view. According to Professor Larry I have the "language of Jiu Jitsu" (a catalog of moves) and now need to work on application, timing and cadence- or "game". He used the analogy of swimming in a river- there are times when the river is moving fast, so you have to exert yourself efficiently, and there are times when the river is slow, and you can relax. Identifying these times is an important part of the game- allowing you to conserve energy and stay strong for longer durations of the match. Another key piece is identifying opportunity, and creating opportunity- this involves reading an opponents tendencies, and even baiting them a bit to create an opening to exploit. Another rule we discussed was in breath control- the pace of breathing is an easy tell so trying to disguise it can add some mystery to the game which can be an advantage. Since I am having a problem with stamina, I am thinking it might be best for me to start throwing smoke- fake out with a grunt when i am really resting- that too could open opportunities.

Spaz

So Monday was an interesting warm up. I had a new whitebelt basically freak out during an up down out exercise. Knowing as I did that the guy was new I was planning on giving only minimal resistance for the exercise, but then he surprised me- followed zero instruction and started flopping around wildly, so instead of letting him escape as I had intended I put him in mount- thus ending the exercise- but he wasn't done apparently and when I went to dismount he grabbed my headgear and tried to guillotine me. I was surprised by how calm I felt when I asked him what he believed was the point of the exercise... I'm still not sure what he thought it was, but he apologized.

The rest of class was alright. I was feeling a bit slow, but things picked up and I had a few good rolls. I'm still working on that recovery from arm bar- something in the leverage just isn't right, also I end up in a north-south orientation so I need some options from there.

Checking Back In

Well, it has been quite a while since my last entry- about 2 weeks in fact. Unfortunately 2 weeks ago I got injured. I hurt my left elbow when I got sloppy with my arms and a training partner took advantage. He got a vicious armbar the strained my elbow. I am not sure how I feel about that. Part of me accepts that training partners are there to practice technique and accidents happen- and then part of me is pissed because this guy attacked my arm at full speed and hurt me in the process.

I also discovered fluid in my left ear which I needed to drain using am insulin needle. I pulled about 7 units of fluid out of the ear. I have now gone out and purchased an Asics Gel wrestling headgear to try and mitigate any future issues.

I returned to the mat today with great effect. I felt good for the entire training session, and performed better than I had expected I might. I got some sweeps against big men, and managed to defend well enough to survive against more experienced partners. I got a great triangle on one of our heavyweights. It was really great to get back out on the mat and enjoy it again. Also of note, the headgear is very effective I wish I had gotten one earlier. I guess I didn't realize how much punishment my ears were taking. Bottom line- I'm not afraid of pressing my head to the mat anymore, and pulling back out of a triangle isn't painful because my ear doesn't get folded forward anymore.