The quest for fitness, new challenges and swimming the ocean of doubt

My life of the past 4 years consists of challenging myself in one way or another. First was overcoming the fear of committing to parenthood. When Shannon became pregnant I recall a sense of elation, which was offset only slightly by a fear of the unknown. I have found that in many instances that when I embrace the challenge of the unknown that the best things happen. Being Lila’s Dad is certainly one of the greatest things that I have ever, or will ever do. It rewards me every day.

I feel much the same way about Jiu Jitsu. When I first stepped onto the mat I felt like a first time swimmer stepping into the pool. It was an environment I was unfamiliar, and a little uncomfortable with. After a little time, I found I could survive, and enjoy it. Now it is hard to imagine my life before BJJ, and even more difficult to imagine what it would be like without it. Jiu Jitsu is a sort of fellowship for me, and it’s study is something I look forward to, and think about every day.

I’ve often said that Jiu Jitsu gave me confidence. That confidence extends off the mat into my life. It drives me to put myself to the trial an everything I do. It has expanded my belief in my own abilities as an individual. Jiu Jitsu re-lit the athletic fire in my life. A fire that was long extinguished by the instant gratification of alcohol fueled adventure. Throughout my 20’s it seemed like the most interesting things happened with cold beverages, and drunken debauch. This takes a toll on the body, and it also takes a toll on the mind. When I hit my 30’s the adventures in drinking lost their luster. Recovery became rougher, and the same ole-same-ole became a bit depressing.

At my worst I was up to approx 220lbs, and looked old. I mean more than just grey hair- I felt old too. Fat in my face gave my eyes a sunken look. All my “best stories” took place in the past. The future was a boring subject to contemplate. That changed the first day I stepped onto the mat. I’ll be glad for that for the rest of my life.

After a year of training with Easton I began to look around for additional challenges. At that time I discovered Cyclocross. I also discovered Warrior Dash- which seemed a lot like Cyclocross on foot. I didn’t have money for a bike, but I could run so I decided to focus on Warrior Dash. About a week or so later my friend Kristi told me about Tough Mudder- which was like Warrior Dash, but triple the distance, with more difficult and more plentiful obstacles.

Last year when I committed to that first TM at Beaver Creek it was like I was standing on the shore of my island, looking across a vast ocean of doubt. It took all of my fiber to wade in and swim for what was then an unknown. This challenge intrigued me, and forced me to look within myself for strength- it challenged me more than just physically- it taunted my soul, and stirred me to action.

I’ve now run 2 Tough Mudder races in the past year, with a 3^rd on the horizon in June. I finished in the top 5% of the field at my second race and qualified for the World Championships. Tough Mudder doesn’t scare me anymore. Worse, it doesn’t challenge me. What was once an abyss now seems like a walk in the park. I need something new, and it needs to be something that I can build upon.

Even after that first Tough Mudder I remember feeling empty when I thought I should feel rewarded. There was so much build up to it that when it was over I felt like there should be some sort of spiritual reward- something, but instead it was more of a “done, dusted” sort of reaction. I signed up for the second one on a whim. It was reasonably close to my parent’s house so it seemed convenient, and I thought at that time I would have a team to run with. Why not sign up? I trained pretty hard for the second one. I had it in my mind to qualify for the World’s Toughest Mudder, and I figured with the flatter TX landscape I would be faster, and I was. I accomplished the goal of qualification. Still empty.

I now think I understand the emptiness I feel.  Milton said of Alexander the Great- "When Alexander saw the breadth of his domain, he wept for there were no more worlds to conquer."  Perhaps this is true. TM is supposed to be the most challenging adventure race series out there. They poke fun at the 5k races along the route (there is a sign 5k into the Tough Mudder that says “if this were Warrior Dash you’d be finished now”) Beaver Creek is arguably the hardest standard TM race in the country due to the elevation changes, but I beat it on my first time out. Worse was that I saw a lot of non-athletes beat it. Nothing says you really accomplished something by earning the finishers headband like seeing a woman wearing a finishers headband while smoking a cigarette at the bar… It kinda takes the wind out of your sails to see something like that. Of course, it’s not a “race” so really she could have very walked the damn thing and gone around obstacles and still “finished” I guess, but this is beside the point.  The point is I need something new to challenge me. Phil vs. What? Phil vs. Tough Mudder is done. I did that shit. I’m going to do it again too, but that isn’t an aspiration anymore. It’s the standard now. Right now I’m standing on the shore of this new island, looking across a vast ocean again- and this time I’m really (actually) going to swim for it. I’ve started training for an as yet to be determined triathlon, and after spending time in the pool I’ve just come to realize- I suck at swimming.

Challenge Accepted.

From Fitness to Athlete a year in review

I started Jiu Jitsu on Feb 1st 2010. I can't say for certain what my weight was on that day, but it was somewhere between 200-210 lbs. After the first year I was fluctuating between 200, and 195lbs. It was right about then that I learned about Tough Mudder, and decided to run the race in Colorado in June. I also decided I needed to really start taking better care of myself. I wanted to be more active, and enjoy my life more than i was going from the bed to work, to the couch then back to bed. Even training as I was, this was still pretty much my life. 

My first step was to see a doctor for a Physical- my first one in many years. He took bloodwork, and the results weren't too bad. he pronounced me to be in pretty decent shape for my age.

On Feb 23rd 2011 I went to visit the trainer at the gym located at my workplace. She did a wellness assessment where she measured my body fat%, my heart rate, did a measurement on my VO2 Max, and flexibility. I was justdged to be healthy enough for activity, but my VO2 Max was really low, and would need addressed as I prepared for that first Tough Mudder in June 2011.

After this I started jogging, building up to greater distances. I also started some crossfit, and continued to train Jiu Jitsu 3 times a week. For the first time in my life I started watching what I ate- reading labels on the foods I ate, placing weighted values on protein, carbs and fats. If the food didn't have a label where I could get the nutritional facts, then I didn't eat it anymore. Things like fast food from McDonalds- they offer nutritional info, but you have to go on the web to get it. I say that is "no label" they are hiding the facts from me, so now I never go there.
I tried to maintain a 1700 calorie a day intake (thats actually a lot when it's healthy, lean food), with a 2700 calorie per day burn (I often over shot)

I finished that first Tough Mudder in June, and went on to participate in Warrior Dash, and Rugged Maniac 5ks that same summer.

As you can tell by the date, I kicked this off exactly one year ago.

Wednesday (2/22) morning I went back and did a one year follow up wellness assessment with the trainer at work. I was fortunate in that the same trainer who did my original assessment conducted my one year benchmark.

Here are the changes in my fitness laid out in a chart I made for comparison 

 

Blood pressure is down 8pts
Weight is down 23lbs
body fat is nearly half- with the largest loss in the abdomen where weight loss is difficult for men over 30yrs old (I'm 36). I am now classed "Athlete" with 9% body fat.
VO2 Max is up 15 pts (still needs work)

The best part is that this is my life now. Going out and doing things that require a lot of physical effort, and eating well are part of my lifestyle.

As you know I ran a second Tough Mudder on Jan 28th in Edna TX. I finished in the top 5% of the field and was invited to participate in the Worlds Toughest Mudder championship event this December.

So my advice? If you want to be healthy, change the way you're living. Quit eating things you can't identify. Get out and move for at least 60 min every day. A year from today you will wish you had started now- so go do this for yourself!

Here is a before/after pic 

2 Years Training

Going from being THIS guy

To being THIS guy

They say time flies when you're having fun, and I've been having some fun. 2 years ago today I stepped onto the mat @ Easton Brazilian Jiu Jitsu for the first time. It's been an interesting journey thus far. I've learned a lot about myself, and the benefits of learning and practicing a martial art.
Some things that have changed noticably, for instance my weight- I was 210lbs on my first day on the mat. This morning I weighed in at 175lbs. It is interesting to walk around sans the weight of 2 bowling balls. I'm pretty happy to have gotten much leaner while getting stronger. This has also contributed to my activities. After 2 years in BJJ my "life" is hardly recognizable. I used to go out to the bar at least once a week and drink beer and eat chicken wings. Now I'm vegetarian, and drink about a 6 pack a month. I couldn't run a single lap around a highschool track back then. Last weekend I ran 14 miles, and tackled 29 obstacles at a Tough Mudder (my 2nd TM event). I didn't just jog it either- I kept pace with a couple Marines and kicked some ass.  Had I never made that decision to step onto the mat, none of this would have happened. I had to believe I could do it, and that confidence is one of the many things that BJJ has given to me.


Practicing BJJ may be training to fight, but it is also training to think. How to solve problems, and how to train your instincts. There are a lot of metaphors for life that can be drawn from BJJ- understanding the problem, applying the solution, being flexible and adaptable to the challenges you are confronted with, thinking through the problem before reacting. Understanding risk and consequence. This is all part of the "mental game" that is the Gentle Art.

BJJ has lead to a lot of friendships as well. I recall when I lived in Chicago and I felt lost in the crowd. I couldn't figure out a way to make new friends outside of work because my interests were so narrow. BJJ has enriched my life with a common interest that has allowed me to meet a wide variety of great people. It's a friendship built on mutual respect and I'm very grateful for that.

So where do I go from here?  I've decided not to set a final destination. I think the best plan is to just keep going, wherever this journey takes me will be the best place with the best result. In the mean time I'll continue to focus on my training, expand my skill set, and I'll keep looking for opportunities to enrich my life even further. Thanks for reading.

Monday night intermediate Gi training with Peter Straub

I originally set out to take the black belt Gi class last night, but then got there plenty early and decided to start out with the intermediate group. We were working from half guard, and this is an area where i need a lot of work so I decided to stay with the intermediate class rather than switch out when the black belt class assembled.
Coach Peter has a really good way of breaking down technique. Not only does he go through the motions, but he also makes a point of explaining the "why" of the motion. ex: when you go from an underhook to a pummel your palm should be facing away from an opponents back- why? It has to do with how the arm bends. If you have palm down, it is easy for your opponent to clamp down with his elbow and render your pummel ineffective- but if you have palm up it makes the arm rigid against the opponents elbow and allows you to maintain leverage, and is more difficult to defeat. I've been training for nearly 2 years now, and I never understood that. It's the little things that change the game.

I feel like I am at a bit of a crossroads right now, like I need to do something differently than I have been for the past few months. I'm thinking that has to be getting my ass into the Black Belt classes again. Starting this week I am committing to at least one black belt class per week. Come februaray I will have been training for 2 full years, so at that point it will be about getting to 2 Black belt classes per week. i'll need to consult with Shannon as to how I can do that, but I feel like it needs to be done.

Thursday PM training w/ Professor Junior- Adaptation

When everything starts to go wrong in your life what should you do? Should you push a bad position and hope that by pushing hard enough you will overwhelm your troubles? Should you just freeze up and let the bad things happen? Should you look for an alternate way out of the problem? Change direction, and focus? Should you draw in your goals to focus on short term success instead of planning out the long run?
So it is with Jiu Jitsu. It's always good to have a plan A, and a plan B- but when it all starts going sideways, you need to adapt to what is happening, and react to it with smaller goals- like "I need to get my elbow out of there" or "how can I get him to transfer some weight off of my chest so I can get to my side" once you accomplish those small goals and regain a bit of control you can start planning your steps. This is why so many people compare BJJ to Chess. It's planning, adapting, reacting, attacking.
Last night we worked on some sweeps, and a sweet (but complicated) triangle from inverted guard.

I did some training with John, who is larger than me- he is quite good at using his size, and technique together and he pulled of some great subs- caught me in an armbar, and a choke- he nearly had a kimora, but gave up on it a little too soon. I wish I could say I was letting that happen, but really he was getting around me just fine. I think in his case I need to focus on making him reach so that I can get to the top. He storms my guard, and is one of few people I have rolled with that just seems to break right through. So I learned I need to develop some new engagements.

I finished the evening with a smaller guy and triangled him twice.  The first was almost identicle to the drill: triangle, armbar, then back to triangle and finish. The second was just straight triangle- he defended so I wrist locked him and sunk it in for the tap.

GORUCK Challenge training and building a more well-rounded BJJ Player.

Bricks. Such a versatile, and useful building material. You can use them to build a house, a bridge, a road, or a fortification from behind which you can wage war. In a pinch you could hit an attacker over the head with them- but I'm pretty sure that isn't IBJJF legal. So how do simple bricks build a martial artist- or more specifically a better BJJ Player? We don't break bricks in this art- that's for demo squads. We use strength, endurance, and cunning when we roll. How will bricks help me develope that?
I went out and bought these 6 "training bricks" to use in my preparation for The GORUCK Challenge coming up in May. Last year the Tough Mudder CO was my non-BJJ related challenge. It was ambitious considering I was slightly overweight, and hadn't run a mile in well over a decade. With the help of BJJ, an improved diet, and the support of my friends I finished the 10 mile Tough Mudder in an above average time. I was proud of myself, but like Alexander I was conflicted once my campaign was complete. As I rode home I thought to myself- "what now?" By most measurements TM was the hardest thing I could find to challenge myself. Sure I could do another one (and I am in fact running TM TX Coast on Jan 28th) I could go for a faster time- but in my mind I wouldn't feel like I was pushing any new boundries. Enter GORUCK. It's a team challenge executed in groups of 30 individuals. 18-20 miles over 10 hours. There is "Cadre" on hand, and they are basically Drill Instructors who will lead us through the challenge.

Why am I going to do this to myself? Because CHALLENGE! Thats why. This is the next evolution- this is pushing myself.

Part of the GORUCK is the fact that I will be hauling 6 bricks on my back based on my weight (over 150lbs). GORUCK provides the backpack for the challenge, but I need to BYOB (bring my own bricks) so, since I need to haul these bricks for the challenge I decided to pick them up early in order to train with them. Allow me to introduce- The Octogon, James Westfall, and Dr. Kenneth Noisewater...
These fellas are going to ride on my back during training for the next 5 months. All together they only weigh 25lbs, which means that when I have strapped them on I will still weigh less than I did at this time last year, of course, adding it all as dead weight hung over my shoulders does make it a bit more tricky. I am training using my Camelback hydration pack as my brick carrier. I hope it holds up to the strain.
The training plan for now is to add  sets of pushups in the evenings with the weight strapped on. Right now I am working my way to a hundred doing sets of 20. Next evolution will be 100 in 3 sets of 33, then 2 sets of 50. Once I am comfortably there, then I'll remap my game plan. I don't think I need to be breaking off sets of 100 pushups in sequence just yet. I'm not Hershel Walker.

So how does all this relate to BJJ? Well, if you read my "rag doll" blog post, then you know I am in deep water on the mats at Easton as of late. Its definitely what you call a "tough room" down there when it comes to Black Belt classes. For this reason, in addition to technique I am looking to improve strength and endurance. I can't tell you how many times I've just been flat tuckered out in the middle of a roll. Mostly this happens with bigger guys. I run out of gas, and then I start getting sloppy. I let my arms get loose, and then I get submitted. It's frustrating. So while I practice at "staying safe" on the mats, I will also be working to increase my stamina in my workouts off the mats. Participating in the GORUCK Challenge is as much mental game as it is physical. You have to endure the strain- push through it- just like you do when you roll. So there you have it- Strength of limb, Endurance of the mind and the body.

 This is how I will use bricks to build a more well rounded BJJ Player.

BREAK OVER

In the end of September I re-dedicated myself to training BJJ on a full time schedule of 3x classes per week minimum. Throughout much of July, and the first part of August I was only training 2x per week. My training consisted of being an Oki during private lessons, and thus getting free private lessons with a Brown Belt instructor, and a loosely formatted positional drilling session on Wednesday nights. I was helping a buddy prepare for tournament, and I was having a problem with my low-back which kept me from really pushing too hard during that time-frame.

Excuse time is now officially past. For the next 2 weeks i will be rigidly sticking to my 3x training schedule Attending Black Belt class on Monday, Intermediate Tuesday, and Intermediate Saturday mornings- after that Shannon is done with Softball and Thursdays will again be open for BB training. I am still a bit Ronin from my normal schedule, as I have been working out sessions at the South School Intermediate level classes as well as attending at my home academy in Denver. I like the crowd in HR, and I like to train down there so I am splitting time.

As I am returning to class I am also working in a lot of the things I had been working on in the private sessions, and drilling- mostly sweeps. Last week I got a lot of good results from the pendulum sweep, which feels very natural to me.

I was pleasantly reminded last weekend of just how effective BJJ is against the uninformed opponent- I swept a guy at will while training with a Fundamentals / Intermediate group in Boulder. This guy had at least 50 lbs on me- was bigger / stronger ect- totally helpless in my guard. Of course sweeps become less and less effective once you are rolling with someone who actually knows some BJJ, but it was heartening to realize how simple it was to work game on an unwitting opponent. I saw a guy fight in a UFC prelim over summer who said of BJJ "I don't believe in it" He was a striker, and apparently hadn't come up against a real BJJ player yet. He won his fight due to strikes and seemed to reinforce his belief. This past weekend during the UFC prelims I watched a solid BJJ player- a record holder having finished 7 fights in a row by triangle, and then the next 3 via heel hook to be 10-0 in his MMA career. He finished his opponent via heel hook- and you KNOW his opponent knew it was coming, but just couldn't get away from it. Tell THAT guy you "don't believe in BJJ" and I predict a life altering outcome for you...

BJJ is intelligent, and resourceful. It's fighting, but it is also methodical, thought provoking and strategic. It is an art.

What's your name again?

I've been training for a year and a half now, mostly at the same school location during that time, and I've seen a lot of people come and go. I try to remember peoples names. I'm bad at it, but I DO legitimately try. I am a pretty friendly guy in general, so that isn't unusual.

Since i have been training at Intermediate and above for some time now, most of the "new" faces i see have actually been around for several months attending Fundamentals classes prior to entering the Intermediate program themselves. When new faces show up I try to be welcoming, and help them out if they are just rolling live for the first time. I feel like it is important to make people feel comfortable, and I also find that when I'm a nice guy, then they tend to be nice back to me, and that is good for drilling, and training together.

I think BJJ class is actually a great place to make friends- as adults it is tricky to meet up with cool people you don't work with, and I have found training is a great social common ground.

I do tend to gravitate toward the people from my "class" meaning the folks that started right around the same time I started. There are several people I genuinely like from that group, whom I am friends with on Facebook, or have met up with off the mat. Others I just have a respectful acquaintanceship with on the mat, and it gets left at that until whenever.

i really believe you need to approach this sport with an open mind. I roll with all sorts of people- different races, educations, religions, professions, political affiliations, personal ethos, and socio-economic circumstances. I generally like everyone, so I feel pretty good about that.

These guys make me feel clumsy...

I feel pretty disoriented in the black belt classes. I used to feel pretty confident in my game, whereas now I feel like I am second guessing all my movements, and it is costing me time which is leading to submissions. LOTS of submissions. The thing is, I don't think I'm the only one since the other newer blue belts seem to be struggling as well. I believe the difference is I'm not going to give up on showing up to the advanced classes. I'm going to keep on showing up, and practicing with these higher level guys. I'll catch up eventually.

I am humbled, but while the road ahead is more difficult the journey will surely be more interesting

So I am in Black Belt classes now, and it's an education for sure. I had a pretty good humbling on Monday night that has threatened my "this is definitely where i belong" theory. Let me put it like this- I'm still going to go, but damn Monday basically felt like the nightmares I was having before attending my first white belt introduction. The beatings come swiftly, they are merciless and basically I was left feeling like I never knew what the fuck I was doing in the first place. LoL. The up side is that after 3 more months of this I will probably be surviving again, and 6 months after that I'll be gaining some advantages. It's a crazy steep learning curve, but I gotta just keep on showing up, and keep on processing the lessons.

I now understand why so many new blue belts cling to the relative safety of the intermediate group. While I empathize I can't see myself doing the same. Fear is a killer, but there is nothing to fear. Pride is a bitch- but you gotta get over that if you want to make progress. My plans moving forward remain the same- to split time between intermediate and black belt. I'll begin this with the 3 class per week rotation ratio of 2/1. To begin I'll go 2 x Intermediate and 1 x Blackbelt, then I'll carry it over to 1 x intermediate and 2 x black belt, and then finally 3 x black belt. My intent is to make the full transition within the next 3 months.

We shall see how it goes.

And this is pretty much how it happens- from resistance to obsession with Ed O'Neill

It's been 15 months and you're STILL a White Belt??? LoL

I have been signed off on my Blue belt for about 3 weeks now. I’m waiting on the Belt Promotion Ceremony to tie on my blue, but my journey continues as a 4th stripe white belt until that time. This has given me some time to reflect on the past 15 months I have invested in my training, and in the belt promotion process as a whole. I also helps that my internet BJJ aquaintance Julia "Jiu-Jiu" Johansen posted some very relevant thoughts, and asked some very specific questions regarding her own belt promotion. Congrats again to Julia if you are reading this.

One of the first things you realize when you undertake the study of Brazilian Jiu Jitsu is that there are very few steps in promotion. there are only 4 belts for an adult practitioner to earn.
1st Belt isn't an "earned belt"- Everyone gets a white belt- it signifies that you have begun your training AND it keeps your Gi closed. I don't have any facts to back this up, but based on my observations in my own school, I'd say 70% of the student body is at some level of white belt (the student body is also 100% bruised, but thems the facts of life in BJJ right?).
Q: How is it possible that there are so many white belts, and so few higher ranking belts?
A: There is attrition that occurs over the course of training. Mostly this happens during the White Belt conditioning. I think students come to realize that maybe they aren't cut out for the physicality of BJJ, or maybe they don't have the time that they thought they had to dedicate to training. Economics can also come into play, as can life changes like having children, or relocation to other cities, countries, planets... There are also those who lack the patience- they want that validation of belt promotion ASAP, and the fact that it can take over a year really wilts their determination. This all combines to create a factor- and that factor is that the vast majority of white belts probably won't get to Blue Belt.

From what I have seen, there is a similar attrition among Blue Belts. Many will not make it to Purple, although that seems to be where the attrition rate decreases. Many purples go on to Brown, and I honestly believe most Browns go on to Black. This progression takes an average of 10 years.

Compare that to my little cousins ascension to Black Belt in TKD- I think it was under 2 years to get her 1st dan Black Belt. She worked hard for it. I'm sure the testing standards are rigorous, and challenging- but then she quit. With no more worlds to conquer she moved on. Now those of us schooled in Martial arts know, there were in fact PLENTY more worlds to conquer- 1st dan begets 2nd dan and so on and so forth- these are the "degrees" in the progression, but she IS a Black Belt on record, and in title. Anyone who doesn't know jack shit about martial arts will bow down to that. To me, she is a Blue Belt that quit- just my opinion.

So there are very few Belts to progress through in BJJ, but each is extremely significant on your journey.

The next question is always about promotion. Why does it take so long?

For the sake of contrast lets look at the promotion model of Tae Kwon Do (or TKD as I often refer to it)

I don't claim to be an expert on this, but I do know that Tae Kwon Do has a very rigid structure regarding promotions. I know this because when I was 10 I took TKD for a few months before my parents chose to discontinue my martial arts activities. You go to class, learn and practice the "Kata" or "Forms". It is all Pass/Fail. On test day (usually about once a month) you show up and perform the movements before a jury. The jury then awards you with a rank, or you go back and practice some more and test again next month. There is very little sparring in beginners TKD. I remember this, but I also remember that I was pretty good at sparring, and not so good at the kata... Either way, I did achieve some rank while I was practicing, and then I was abruptly withdrawn.
not to get to far off the subject, but I recall being told that my Mother was unwilling to subsidize my training, hence the activity was no more. At my current age and maturity I can clearly understand that my Stepmonster was actually becoming concerned for her safety (as an abusive parent, she certainly should have been) and had pushed for my training to end. either way, TKD would have done little good to assuage the torment of bullies I would encounter in my teen years, unless I were a practicing Black Belt at that time- which would likely have given me a protective aura of mystery, and unpredictability.... Nah, those motherfuckers would have jumped me anyway, and no kata will defeat 4 or 5 guys attacking one. I'm no Chuck Norris. I digress...

In BJJ Promotions happen differently.

Easton has a formal/semi-formal type of promotion. We DO have check sheets for each stripe on the white belt, and those check sheets are signed off on by our Coaches and Professors during scheduled Randori for Checklist sessions that happen several times per week. There is also a standardized number of classes a student should have attended to be eligible for their next stripe. That would be the “formal” methodology. The “informal” is the part where a Professor is watching, and rolling with you in class. He knows where you are, and sometimes even though your check sheet isn’t fully signed off- the Professor promotes anyway. It goes the other way too though. Sometimes even when the check sheet is fully completed, and class attendance requirement is met a student still doesn’t get promoted. I can only guess that their head just isn’t “right” yet. I have seen at least one example of this in my school. The guy has been a 4th stripe for 9 months, He knows his stuff, but he is terrible to train with. If we run a full speed drill- like a reversal, or replacement from half guard- he will set himself up to succeed before the drill starts so he can “win”. I think a person with the right mind frame can understand the problem with that mentality. He doesn’t- hence, no promotion. We don't drill to "win" we drill to learn. You can still learn from a loss- in fact I think sometimes I learn more from a loss. The gist here is that BJJ isn't pass/fail at all- it is more than that. BJJ is about how you are learning as much as it is about what you have learned.

This guy I have described above has taken the longest road possible to get to his 4th stripe- and the road to his Blue Belt has been, and will continue to be equally arduous. This is the beginning, and I bet once he gets his blue, it will be the end. I don't think this is really the logic, but in that mischievous part of my mind I wonder if the Professor doesn't realize this as well and is therefore sandbagging to continue collecting mat fees... NAH. LoL.

What are my thoughts on standardizing belt testing in BJJ?
I dislike this idea for the very reason I stated above. I like that the Professors have latitude to promote students who are “worthy”, while holding off on promoting students like the one I mentioned above. A standardized “test” removes that subjectivity- and while that might lead to faster promotion for some students, or more clarity of expectation- I don’t think it makes for a “better” school environment even though it would probably lead to a larger student body (and profitability for the school). Even having only trained for a short while I can say I understand it is good that some students “wash out”. Sometimes it is better for the whole school that some guys get frustrated and quit- whereas standardized testing might keep them around. Also, standardized testing, and gratuitous promotion is very "McDojo" while the tradition of BJJ promotion is the antithesis of that business model.

I honestly believe in the current “schedule” of promotion being left to the instructor. The instructor knows his/her student far better than the student sometimes even knows himself/herself- they have a much more objective point of view regarding the students progress. With that said, when you get your blue belt, purple belt, brown belt, or black belt it isn’t up to you- it is your instructors decision, and I am sure it is based in a very clear understanding of where you stand in your progress.
My Professors have always said- getting your blue belt doesn’t mean you have to be able to tap out every white belt in the room, or that you “win” every roll in class or comp. Blue Belt is a way point in the journey- It means that you have embraced and understand the fundamental aspects of the art (moves), and you understand what it is to “train” as opposed to “fight” when you are on the mats in the school. A blue belt should have the mentality of a professional student, and a teacher/facilitator. This will keep the students "safe" from one another. We spar all the time- it is important that those who posses the advanced knowledge are responsible with that knowledge. LoL at the Spiderman "With great knowledge comes great responsibility" reference, but seriously it applies. The professors are judicious over who learns what- and for a very good reason. Who wants a meat head injuring their new students? Not me!

Learning to be at home with "losing"

I noticed last Saturday that I am doing something wrong. I noticed that over these past few weeks I have started to focus on winning, rather than training. During a roll, I could feel pride start creeping in when I am in a bad position, and then I find myself forgetting about position, and forgetting about the game- and that is when I start hunting for submissions. It's sloppy, and it isn't improving my game- it's just "winning". So what exactly do I win there? Nothing. In fact, I am losing out because I am spending my class time training improper technique.

This week I am focusing on position, and I am focusing on technique. I decided for myself that if I can get positioning right then it is ok to proceed- but if the position is bad and I can't get where I want to go- I'm gonna lose. When I lose I'm gonna be humble because I will learn more in failure from trying to work position correctly than I would from a sloppy success.

Tuesday was my first night working this way. I "lost" on all 3 rolls- but that is ok. I noticed something- when you submit your training partner is always more interested in helping you work out the mistake you made.

We are working on Knee on Belly this week (my favorite) this time the work is from the bottom- how to escape knee on belly. We also got a new attack, but it was designed more like preventative medicine- "Here is an attack an opponent could try from knee on belly- this is what you want to avoid". The escape works well- although every encounter with knee on belly reminds me that I need more core strength. Basically the escape is to get both elbows past the knee, then hip out while blocking with the hands. after the escape start looking to replace guard- maybe even a sweep if they are off balance.

Having come so far, but not really gotten that far- and being OK with that.

I celebrated one year on the mat last week. It felt good to finally have found something that I am still as more interested in after a year than day one. I have been tested. Dealing with hurting my arm was a bummer, I didn't enjoy my ear swelling up and having my best friend and training partner drop out for 6 months has taken 'buddy" aspect out of it- but still week after week I am showing up to train, and I am getting better. I'm making new friends, and developing even more respect for my training partners, Coaches, and Professors during each class.

I have a year into the Gentle Art- but that really doesn't mean much in the scheme of training in BJJ. Training in this martial art isn't something you ever really "finish", so there is no finishing chute over the horizon like there is for a runner. You make your goals short term- learn the movements, practice practice practice- get better- then suddenly a coach throws a variation at you that changes everything- it could be a grab, or a placement of leverage for a sweep and suddenly it's a whole new series of options added to your lexicon. One class can literally result in 10 new permutations to your game.

I have mentioned before in this blog that I was never really a "fighter". I was more of a negotiator, and I think that may actually help me in a way since being cool and methodical in approach seems to trump aggressive during a roll. Don't get me wrong- aggressive is good too- you don't want to get caught over thinking or watching the paint dry. BJJ has helped me tap some of that aggression as well- but in a controlled environment where it can be channeled to my benefit.

When I try to explain BJJ to my Dad I can tell he is wondering what the hell I am doing- 35yrs old, going to classes to learn fighting every other night when I have a family at home... All I can say is that this is making me a better father, and a better husband. I am not sure he "gets it"- how a martial art can do that, but really it is constructive- this is a positive channel through which the aggressive urge can flow without putting oneself at odds with society.

All I can think is that in some way we are all pre-wired for combat. Somewhere deep inside we all need to experience battle- for some guys it is debating issues or arguing over the internet, for others it may manifest itself as starting fights when they are drunk. Somehow I feel like this is the middle. BJJ is physically using skill to impose your will. We train to learn how to prevail in combat, but it is also sport, so we play by the rules. We treat each other with respect, and behave like sportsmen. It's not personal, and it isn't life or death but the combat is very "real" and genuine. For 5 minutes you are focused and pushing to win- in a controlled environment and within the rules that keep us safe from each other.

I go home tired. Sometimes I go home proud that I learned something new, or got something right. Sometimes I go home introspective- replaying a mistake and trying to reason my way through it- but when I get home I am that husband, and that father. Having just channeled that aggression I am now totally free to read stories to my daughter, and talk to my wife. I have very little inner tension so the time i spend with them is the highest it can be.

Getting down to it- Goals for 2011

So, I was a bit surprised (pleasantly) to receive my 4th stripe promotion prior to the end of 2010. There has been a lot of hard work and toil getting to this place where I am now, and I am nowhere near the end of my journey. I need to decide what are my life goals in jiu jitsu. Where do I want to go with this?

The Blue Belt

2nd year goals- Since I began training last February achieving Blue Belt has been an objective, but now that that objective is on the horizon I feel that I need some additional benchmarks for the next year. After some serious consideration I feel like I'd like to compete. I don't need to win but I would like to see how I stack up against students from other schools. I think the whole experience of grappling in an organized setting would be both beneficial to my game, and also give me the motivation to step up the intensity of my training. I'd like to compete prior to blue belt promotions...
I'd like to cut some weight. I think 180 would be a good walking around weight for me. I have no idea how far from that goal I am right now since i haven't stepped on a scale in over a month. I'd guess somewhere around 190-195.

Longer term goals
3yr goal- I'd like to compete in a national event before purple belt- so that ought to be a 2 year goal. I would also like to be coaching others by this time. I honestly feel instruction is my long term calling in BJJ.
6yr goal- I'd like to travel and train in Brazil sometime before brown belt. I would also like to place in a national event as well.

What about the "Black Belt" as a goal?

Of course, as a standard in all martial arts, Belt promotions are a good means to demonstrate achievement. The thing about BJJ is that they don't promote gratuitously. As you can see- I don't even expect to make my second color belt prior to being in the game at least 3 years- it just isn't that easy. There isn't a "test" you can take every two months to accomplish a promotion. If you endeavor to achieve in BJJ you are going to practice endless hours and fight tooth and nail at the end of each class. You are going to roll with people that are way bigger, and more experienced than you are and you are going to tap out thousands of times. The ignorant seem to believe that if your belt ain't black then your skills are seriously lacking, but that is a relative statement. This is because, even though many martial arts use belt rank to denote experience, not all ranks are comparable. For example- in TKD the black waist wear can take as little as 2 years to achieve, but I wouldn't put a TKD 1st Dan (1st degree black belt) on a Mat with a BJJ Blue belt- it would be cruel and inhumane to humiliate the TKD practitioner like that. What about a 10th Dan? due to mandatory age requirements to test for rank, a 10th Dan TKD practitioner is like 60+ years old- I am pretty sure he has mastered the art of "fighting without fighting" by then.

It will take upwards of 10 years to wear a BJJ black belt barring you being some sort of phenom. I am not a phenom- I'm on this ride for a long while if I want to wear the Noir. With the possibility of a Black Belt being a decade into the future it seems a bit too long range for a goal.

Still, I can't help but to be fascinated by the possibilities this sport bears with it. There is some discussion of bringing BJJ to the Olympics- given that Brazil is scheduled to host in 2016 I am hoping BJJ will at least make an appearance as a demo sport. We shall see...

2010 My first year in BJJ. What did I accomplish?

I'd say just getting involved with BJJ, and the positive changes it has brought about in my life would be an accomplishment.

As a husband, a Parent, and a Professional I have a LOT of very important responsibilities on my plate each and every day. It can be very easy to become overwhelmed and forget about taking time out for myself. BJJ has really given me an escape that is all my own. 3 times a week when I am on the mat I don't worry about work stress, or any of the little messes in my life that distract me. I just train. That escape actually aligns perspective for me. I can go home and play with my daughter, interact with my wife, and just engage my life with a clearer head because I had that time to "reset" my perspective.

I have tried other hobbies, but I was never captured by them the way I am with Jiu Jitsu. I think about it all the time- but unlike day-dreams the result of that thought is productive the next time I am in class.

I can also say that there is a social aspect to it that has been really good for me. I have met so many new, and great people in this last year thanks to training. Honestly, I haven't made new friends like this since college.

I also think we live in a time when there is a lot of focus on classifying people- It creates a segmentation within our society that files us into our separate classes which isolate and divide us. This is not so on the mat. I think the fact that we spar with each other regardless of what we do outside the gym builds respect for each other. I roll with doctors, construction workers, lawyers, students, line cooks, stock brokers, police officers, social workers, teachers- you name it. Some drive 80k cars to the gym, and others ride bicycles. We come from all walks of life, different races, religions, nationalities and socioeconomic backgrounds. We roll, and sometimes the guy that mops the mats, and cleans the locker room after class to earn tuition taps out the Neurosurgeon. This is usually followed with smiles, handshakes and maybe a brief discussion about what just happened. There is respect for each other as human beings. This is the way it should be.

I think the world would be a better place if everyone rolled. I know for sure my world is.

That is what I got out of BJJ in 2010.

Bullying

I realize it is popular in the current cultural atmosphere to admit to having been bullied as a kid. It is out there because the recent news has reported about teenagers and adults whom- when pushed to a point where they saw no other options to escape harassment and torment decided to end their lives. This is terribly sad. It is also not a new phenomenon. People, especially teenagers can be horribly cruel to one another. As a parent I know that my primary instinct is to protect my precious daughter from the cruelty of others- just as popular culture wants to protect these kids who are being picked on for being Gay, Lesbian, Transgendered, or you know- just "different" enough to be victimized. I was among them once- A kid being abused at home badly enough to act out in school. I drew attention to myself, and eventually became as the Japanese proverb goes "A nail that needed hammered down". And I got hammered- picked on in the spare hours by the popular kids. Beaten, and humiliated publicly on several occasions. When I would complain to my father; his advice? "Stop being such a pansy". I felt abandoned. I had friends who couldn't, or wouldn't stand with and defend me for risk of out-casting themselves and it often seemed as though I was in opposition to everyone, and anyone. I survived probably due to the fact that I had an escape. My Mother lived in another state and I could always go there to escape and even if only for a brief time things would be "normal" for me again.

So that was my life from 7th grade through 10th. Just survive, and try to stay sane. Things changed when I moved away and left my bullies behind, but I was still so effected that I tried to stay small, and off the radar. I didn't try to date a lot in High School, and I had a core group of friends with whom I stayed as loyal as I possibly could. It would seem odd that it was with one of those friends that I had my last high school "fight" during my Junior year. I fared better in that fight than I had as a youngster, and surprisingly I found that the conflict was squashed very soon after that. There is a lesson there.

I am going to step aside from popular culture here and make a statement that is probably going to seem a bit controversial- I'd like to thank my bullies.
Thanks for alienating me- it taught me the value of self reliance, and to be secure in my individuality.
Thanks for pushing me to my limits- It taught me that suffering isn't loss. It also taught me that I can endure the loneliness that comes from social isolation. Surviving that introduced me to what true companionship is and taught me to be more selective about my friendships. The friends I have today are like brothers (ok, and some sisters).
Thanks for that beating- it motivated me over the years to learn to defend myself.
Thanks for being an asshole- it is difficult to know what you don't want to be if you have never seen an example- sort of like not knowing how to appreciate the good without having experienced the bad. The fact is, in the end you might have gotten some cheap shots at me when we were kids, but today you are still you, and now I get to be me. I don't know where you ended up, but I know where I am- and if I am being honest?

I win.

So should we stop bullying? Should we take from our kids the opportunity to flourish out of hardship? Should we strip from them the chance to see just what they are made of? I don't think so. We shouldn't take hardship from their lives. If we do that we just weaken their ability to become self reliant in a world that really doesn't give a fuck about their feelings.

What we need to do is build stronger kids. Reinforce that we love them- if they are Straight, Gay, Transgendered, or just weird or different in some way other kids will pick on. We need to just love them, build their confidence, teach them to defend themselves, and others. Give them the capacity to overcome the shallow minded individuals that would try to beat them into line, but don't take the challenge from them. It will only hurt them in the long run.

BTW- a note to any "mean girls" 13 years into our future- I'd steer clear of picking on my daughter. I can assure you she has all the tools she needs to take you, and your friends apart- piece by piece if necessary.

Saturday training log, and some insight into why the school works.

Today was a really good day, not because I dominated on the mat- actually quite the contrary. I think today was a great training day because I learned, and practiced a LOT. I also got to work with a newer guy and help him get better at Jiu Jitsu. 
I set out a few weeks ago to learn and practice more methods of escaping side control. Through asking for advice from instructors, and looking at tactics on YouTube, along with some book studies I feel pretty comfortable that I have at least 3 new side control escapes, and sweeps that I can implement effectively. I worked each of them today. The first is to work to get myself parallel to my opponent, and then hook one of his legs and cross my feet into a half guard. I then trap the arm on the side of the leg I have control of and sweep him by rolling toward that side. In more advanced practice I then turn the hand that had trapped the arm and grasp under his armpit- this allows me to control his motion, but also frees my hand to grasp his top leg and force it down so that I can come to the mount.
The second method is to get the pommel, then bridge up onto my shoulders to change his center of balance, I then trap his outside arm and I push off, and drive my chest into his using the power of my legs untl he rolls onto his side and I come up and take his back- from here it is choke attacks.
Third method is useful in a situational capacity. If the opponent counters one of my primary sweeps and puts his weight/force against the direction of my sweep I trap his forward arm and reverse my effort- using his directional force to my advantage and sweep him across my chest and onto my opposite side. Depending on how he reacts and ends up once I gain side control I can work for the mount, or take his back. I am feeling pretty strong in these methods and will continue to practice them, while looking at additional techniques. The good news is, side control escapes are now within my grasp, hence my opponent of 2 weeks ago has made me into a better, and more effective fighter.

I'd like to touch on my theories about training, and what the school is meant to be. For me, the School, and classmates are not meant to be a "fight club". I didn't start doing this to learn how to beat people up, nor do I get some masochistic glee from being beat on.  I have come to grips with the fact that no matter how good I get at this, there will always be someone who is better than I am. Some guys/girls possess natural gifts, and others have a wealth of experience gained from time spent toiling upward in the art. I think about that fact, and a light bulb pops on in my head. There is just one person I know for sure I can always be better than, and that person is myself.  I look at the development of my game starting last February, and I see how far I have come along this road. Looking over everything I realize that I have a lot of people to thank. Each and every student that ever showed me something I didn't know, or took the time to explain what he/she had just done to position themselves for a choke/triangle/armbar/sweep/escape/omoplata/insert submission here/. I have come to realize that we are there to learn from each other as much as we are there to learn from our coaches, and professors. We get to practice the art with each other, and the best way to thank someone for that opportunity is to share what you learned from them with them. It is sort of a pay-it-forward theory that elevates everyone. As I mentioned, I have no illusions of being better than anyone regardless of rank, but I do know one thing. The Fighter wearing my Gi today is a hell of a lot better than the fighter that wore my Gi back on February 1st, and I am better thanks to everyone I have trained with in that school.

This was the development of my new mantra- The reason I train isn't to be better than my classmates. I train to be better than myself. I realize that sounds like some sort of eastern altruism, but that isn't it at all. Really it is accepting the fact that i have so much to learn, and that each and every class contains a multitude of lessons that only serve to make me a better me. I'm glad for it.

If I get better, and I pay it forward to help others get better than not only am I a better fighter, but the people I train with will also become better fighters. Win/lose it makes no difference as long as we coninue to evolve together and help each other grow.

The Wall

You encounter them all the time, a mental or physical barrier that prevents you from making progress. For me, getting past the intimidation factor to start training was a wall. Just setting foot on the mat was a mental hurtle for me. It is 8 months down the line now, and I can't really remember what my mindset was, but I do recall being a little concerned that I was going to show up and get laughed at. It wasn't that way at all of course, but it was a legit concern in my mind before I understood the mentality of the school.
I felt a similar sensation this evening. It was a wall. I hadn't trained in a week due to travel, and here I was going into a foreign environment- a different school with instructors and students that were unknown to me. The wall presented itself as a deal I was making with myself on the way to the school- I'll just have a look. I'll see what it looks like and if I don't like what I see, I'll just keep going, head back home and watch The Ultimate Fighter. I was making excuses in my mind.

I countered the excuses with commitments

The first commitment was just pulling into a parking spot in front of the School, and putting the car in park. The second was grabbing my gear bag and heading inside. After you are standing in the School, bag in hand you are going to train, and that is exactly what I did. It wasn't my best night on the mat, but I went through with it and I feel better for it.  In the end the deals were just distractions. I drove to the School, I went in, and I trained. I learned something too- not just on the mat. I learned that these walls are getting easier to overcome as I go.

Why? Part 1 of Many

I have been thinking about this lately. Why do I like Jiu Jitsu so much? I have thought about it, and I have come to this conclusion: I like what training brings out of me.

I have this belief that every action in your life causes a reaction that cascades across all facets of your being. Try as you might to resist, you will be changed by each encounter. I believe that each time I face my fight or flight response, and choose fight that it sets off a chain reaction within my personality. The more times I opt for fight, the more I feel confident in that option. Training isn't meant to be dangerous, in fact we go to great pains to make it safe but that doesn't mean engaging another person as a combatant doesn't exercise that part of your brain that yearns for the kill. Somewhere in those dark recesses and folds of gray matter a dormant instinct is awakening, and as awareness sharpens those instincts they become a more active part of day to day life.

I find I am more prone to say "no" when I mean no, and I don't get intimidated like I had occasionally been before training. There may even be a small voice in my psyche that is begging to use new skills in anger. Sort of an open invitation to test myself. Don't get me wrong I'm not looking for fights or anything, but I'm not avoiding them like I used to. For a guy who used to apologize to people that ran into him, this is a nice step forward. Meekness gives way to self assurance and that breeds confidence.